What comes to your mind when you hear of a preschooler with cavities? Rotting yellow teeth due to non-stop candy consumption, neglect, and lack of tooth-brushing? Well, if you were to ask me that question about a month ago, those pictures probably would have been forefront in my mind. If I found out your kid had cavities, I most likely would have unintentionally judged your hygiene and your effectiveness as a mother, if even in a fleeting thought. That all changed when I brought Maggie in for her second dental appointment a few weeks ago.
During the past month or so, she had been having quite a bit of tooth pain, but when I looked inside her mouth at home, it seemed that she was possibly getting her six-year molars as evidenced by swollen gums. The dentist told a different story. Despite being unable to get good x-rays of my stubborn 4-year-old, it was clear that something nasty was going on inside her tiny little mouth. This dentist identified 5 cavities. ("Probably more, but we can't know for sure without x-rays," they said.) And as the dentist sat there trying to pinpoint the exact cause of my failure as a mom ("Does she drink pop?" "Does she have candy every day?" "Do you have well water?" "Does she like fruit snacks?" "How often do you brush her teeth?" "Did you used to put her to bed with a bottle?"), I was sitting there with the same condemning thoughts in my head. I mean, who else's fault could it have been? And despite my best efforts to be health conscious and have a good oral health regimen, I started having flashbacks of the times that I forgot to brush her teeth until we were already in the car going somewhere in the morning, the times when I didn't limit her intake of sweets quite as much as I usually did, and the times the screaming while brushing her teeth got the best of me, so I called it good after a few swishes.
You see, I pride myself in being a mom. I know more than anyone that I have areas of weakness, but I strive for perfection, and I really do find a very large chunk of my identity in how I am as a mother. There are things I know I can't control, but many things that I believe I can. I thought this whole oral hygiene thing was an area that I had in the bag, but clearly even then, I failed. As ridiculous as it sounds, the news of my daughter's cavities punched a big hole in my ego and in my confidence as a mother.
So after a few weeks to mull these things over in my mind, we attended the appointment with the pediatric dentist we were referred to, blanky in hand and princess shirt on. Again, Maggie resisted x-rays, but this dentist shared the good news that it seemed Maggie only had 2 cavities after all. They were in the same place on both sides of her mouth. It seemed that food kept getting wedged down between her molars on the bottom, and this was the cause of her issues.
The dentist placed a "piggy nose" supplied with nitrous oxide on Maggie's face, and I stood there helplessly watching and trying not to cry while the dentist stroked her little forehead and gave her some quick jabs of Novocaine. Sweet girl. The procedure went well, and Maggie seemed in good spirits under the effect of the laughing gas. She was even trying to sing while her mouth was propped open. Oh, I love her.
After Maggie selected her prizes for being a brave patient and Bode selected his prize for just being there, I made an appointment to take care of her other cavity, and we hopped in the car to head to the promised McDonald's Play Place. Safe in my own vehicle, that's when the tears started flowing. Oh, for so many reasons. I just told Maggie how very proud of her I was, and Bode kept saying "Mom, stop. STOP!" Such a boy.
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| Smoothies first, per the dentist's orders, while the numbing effect of the Novocaine wore off. |
This whole experience has taken my pride down a notch, and I am learning to extend grace to others as well as myself. And now my daughter has a very visible, very shiny reminder for me to not be so quick to judge.
